Al Sharpton Seeks Don Imus’ Forgiveness

The FBI and IRS raided Al Sharpton’s office this past week. The raid is the result of a secretly taped recording by FBI in 2003 between Al Sharpton and a Philadelphia fundraiser. Sharpton was recorded offering to help the fundraiser win a multi-million dollar deal if the fundraiser would reciprocate by procuring political contributions for Sharpton. Sharpton asked for $50,000 and they eventually settled on $25,000. Sharpton sealed the deal with the words, “cool.” A multitude of subpoenas subsequently followed.

Sharpton, a racist aficionado, is being investigated for tax fraud and campaign finance violations.

Sharpton has vehemently denied any malfeasance of the office of President of African-America.

Immediately after his offices were raided, and to cover all his bases, Al Sharpton put a call into Don Imus seeking absolution. Imus retorted, “you have the wrong guy…you nap…never mind.” Sharpton in desperation to apologize to someone from the Caucasian community with clout for transgressing their laws, tracked down Dwayne “Dog” Chapman to issue an apology. Dog refused the call. His first inclination was a dead end as he wanted to call Bill Clinton or George Bush, but was made aware that they were the first Black and Mexican Presidents of the United States, respectively.

Sharpton, at whits end, is desperately seeking the leader of Caucasian -American or as he stated to the Associated Press–he needs the “go to guy” who can forgive him. The very foundation of his lucrative racism industry is starting to crack under the strain as the Reverend has been informed of a recall to have him removed as the self anointed President of African-America.

When asked for his assessment of the raids and subpoenas, Sharpton said, “the federal probe is nothing but racist abuse.” He went on to state that if it had been a white man on tape bribing a fundraiser and cheating the IRS, nothing would come of it.

When asked for a comment, a spokesperson for the FBI stated that “they are only following protocol from Article (4), section (6), sub-paragraph (f) and sub-sub paragraph (1)(b) of their manual concerning the use of racism against the likes of Rev. Al Sharpton and his community.” The spokesperson went on to state that this was strictly by the book.

Rev. Sharpton continued to expound on the racism he is experiencing on his blog with the following analogy:

“If the police caught Brett Favre (a white quarterback for the Green Bay Packers) running a dolphin-fighting ring out of his pool, where dolphins with spears attached to their foreheads fought each other, would they bust him? Of course not, they would get his autograph, commend him on his tightly spiraled forward passes, then bet on one of his dolphins,” Sharpton wrote on his blog.

Sharpton also stated that, “this is the kind of abuse that people in my community go through every day.” After this bold accusation, there was an immediate dispatch by the world media to Sharpton’s community to verify the validity of the statement. After interviewing 42 people in Sharpton’s community, 39 stated that they were raided at least once a day by the FBI and IRS for campaign finance violations and tax fraud. They went on to explain that they harbored no ill-will towards the government as they assumed everyone was harassed for tax and campaign violations on a daily basis. The other three, for some inexplicable reason, known only by the government, were only raided every other Tuesday.

One Response to “Al Sharpton Seeks Don Imus’ Forgiveness”

  1. PTBartman says:

    And people think Satire is dead. Nice Job.

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