How Maxine Waters Could Cause a Martian Invasion

Hypothetical scenario:

Say you were just driving along in your car when all of a sudden your car is being pelted with books of a classical nature, scholarly writings, and dictionaries. You slam on your brakes, exit your car, look up into the sky and witness the horror unfolding. Flying saucers are discharging the aforementioned  literary ammunition through the square shaped barrels of extraterrestrial space guns. All moving objects are being targeted and shot with erudite and literate publications. You look down at the amassing publications, when you are pinged in the temple by Shakespeare’s The Tempest, knees buckling, you slide to the ground and take cover in your automobile.

What could be the cause of such a bizarre attack? There can only be one conceivable and logical conclusion for the cause of this outer-space blitzkrieg: the Martians, intent on taking over the world for sinister and unknown reasons, had one shot, and one shot only, of discovering the one crippling weakness of the human race that could be exploited instantaneously, without chance of recovery, and their one shot was determined by a short but intense observation of one of the more senior politicians of this country, Maxine Waters.

The Martians observed Maxine Waters one afternoon “debating” Ben Bernanke about the nuances of the difference between the Federal Funds Rate and the Discount Rate. And that one afternoon of observation was enough for the Martians to categorically conclude that the human race, especially the most powerful nation on the earth, The United States, was the most ludicrously moronic and stupid aggregation of humanity on God’s green earth, based purely on the profoundness of Maxine Waters’ imbecility.

But the Martians’ ill-conceived plan would fail. The majority of their intended targets did not fall to the ground and writhe with cerebral spasms whilst their heads exploded like popcorn in a microwave–as Maxine Waters’ head would surely do if infected with knowledge–but instead picked up the literary munitions, sat down, and started reading. The Martians, in a disbelieving stupor, retracted their square-shaped extraterrestrial space guns into their flying saucers, hit warp-speed, and disappeared into the heavens.

The world was saved by faulty intelligence gathering by the Martians. They assumed that since Maxine Waters was such a powerful elected official, and was statistically probably one of the four dumbest organisms on the planet, including pets, mummies, trees, and Nancy Pelosi, that the electors must be much dumber. But the one factor that was not calculated into their equation is that in this country, no matter how seemingly smart the voters are, they have a self-inflicted tendency to elect, then reelect, the intellectually and morally reprobate into office, then spend the time between elections complaining about their elected official, then starting the cycle over again, and again, and again.

So with that bit of anecdotal fantasy behind us, Maxine Waters and the vastness of her stupidity sits on the following committees in the House of Representatives:

Financial Services Committee

• Chairwoman, Subcommittee on Housing and Community Opportunity
• Subcommittee on Financial Institutions and Consumer Credit
• Subcommittee on International Monetary Policy, Trade and Technology

Judiciary Committee

• Subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism, and Homeland Security
• Subcommittee on Immigration

She also holds the honor of being perennially named one of the 15 most corrupt members of Congress by the Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington.

Please find below the video of the back and forth debate between Maxine Waters and Ben Bernanke about the difference between the Federal Funds Rate and the Discount Rate. Keep in mind that Maxine Waters is acting in the capacity of the Financial Services Committee, and if you ever wonder how this government fails at every considerable level,  just remember that it is run by some of the more illiterate of this country. And also keep in mind that this video could potentially cause an invasion of the Martians.

Posted to Politics,Satire | Comments (2) | Email This Post | Tags: Ben Bernanke, Maxine Waters