Seal Team Six: The Movie about Obama and the 2012 Election

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The National Geographic Channel has teamed up with Harvey Weinstein, conservative-loathing filmmaker, to create a movie titled SEAL Team Six: The Raid on Osama bin Laden. The purpose of the movie is to focus and highlight Obama’s role in the killing of Osama bin Laden. The movie is to air on the eve of the election, but Howard Owens National Geographic;’s CEO stated that they “weren’t considering the election, and there is no political inference or connection regarding the timing of its air-date.”

There is much concern on the left regarding the misconception of Obama’s significant role in the killing of bin Laden, and the film makers are insisting that Barack Obama be more prominently featured in the movie to make the voting public more aware of his role in the killing of bin Laden, rather than the demurred and shy stance Obama has taken on the subject. This movie, rather than the accounts of the actual SEALs involved, will be “the real inside story behind the manhunt and raid that took down al-Qaeda’s notorious leader, told through the eyes of the military and intelligence teams involved,” but focusing on the perspective of the hero who was instrumental in the success of the raid to give it a stronger sense of realism.

For accurate sourcing, the National Geographic and Harvey Weinstein have been granted unrestricted access by Mendacity Publishing to Barack Obama’s yet to be released book, Dreams from Myself. Nestled between chapter 14, Things I Taught God, and chapter 16, Things I Taught all Future Generations of Mankind, is Chapter 15, Things I Taught Seal Team Six.

An excerpt from Chapter 15 upon which the movie is based:

The air in the White House gymnasium was heavy with humidity; the air also carried the burden of the weight of the mission which I would embark upon shortly; it was a cheerful atmosphere shrouding the court, despite the course of action I would take as soon as I wrapped up a game of one-on-five against the L.A. Lakers. Fate would have it no other way: zero hour and my sinking the game-winning three-pointer intersecting at the exact moment in time.

It was now time to turn my attention to defining my presidency, and it was time to turn my attention to defining me (I).

I hated the name “Operation Neptune Spear”—who can operate under the weight and stigma of that name? I fought and struggled for the most menacing name possible, “Operation Choom Gang,” but used the white flag and conceded this battle to focus on the war.

Another battle that I was determined to win and in which I did come out victorious was with the Director of the CIA, David Petraeus. Petraeus insisted on having Mitch Rapp tag along, but it was my opinion that he would slow me and the mission down. Petraeus agreed and conceded.

My involvement with taking down bin Laden started in 2002 while killing time during debates and hearings when the Illinois Senate was in session. I was surfing the net for Afghanistan poppy seed distributors (research only), when I happened upon the name Abu Ahmed al-Kuwaiti as a man not confined by borders. After intense research, I came to the conclusion this man was strongly connected to Osama bin Laden, as well as probably one of the most prolific heroin mules in the world. I never mentioned this to anyone, but I continued to search and track the exploits of al-Kuwaiti until 2010. It was at this juncture that I was positive from the intelligence that I personally gathered on al-Kuwaiti of the exact location of bin Laden. I felt comfortable bringing the CIA into the fold; I had the CIA conduct further surveillance and they concurred with me that bin Laden was in fact holed up in his Abbottabad compound in Pakistan.

It was a dark night, a good night for cover. I was the epitome of cool as I piloted the never-before-seen stealth-modified Black Hawk out of Afghanistan under the cover of darkness to a perfect landing just inside the compound of a man I vowed to hound to the gates of hell and back. Even though my predecessor failed, that was not an option for me. I needed the SEALs on board to feel a wave of calm and confidence, so my coolness expanded from my being and engulfed and insulated their bodies just before the Black Hawk touched down as I confidently barked last minute orders. Once on the ground, I bolted from the Black Hawk as quick as a thought, bounded across the compound’s exterior, and burst through the impenetrable doors, guns blazing. I fended off the marauders on my left and on my right. Once the SEAL team was able to catch-up, out of breath, I commanded the lower level be cleared as I bounded up the stairs; my acute instincts and senses told me the lair of bin Laden rested at the top. I burst through the triple reinforced door as if it were cardboard. Out of the corner of my eye, I picked up movement: a tall, bearded man clutching 5 PKs, a Colt .45, and a scythe. As the blinding inferno raced from the barrels of the PKs, I leapt to the side, and while mid-air, I placed two perfectly round holes in bin Laden’s temple. Tap, tap. Before I could draw my next breath, I advanced down the stairs at break-neck speed with the now flaccid body of the devil I vowed to destroy draped over my shoulders. I sprinted across the courtyard to the Black Hawk, tossed the body in the back, commandeered the controls, and was airborne heading into the abyss of the dark Pakistani night back to Afghanistan for a positive ID on the body, then to the awaiting U.S. Carl Vinson for disposal of the body.

There was one thought coursing through my mind as I replayed the events of the evening as my mind settled into a trance-like state from the rhythmic sound of the Black Hawk: Justice has been done.

 

 

 

 

 

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